i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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