Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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