She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize