They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When are your genitals available?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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