I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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