Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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