woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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