so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
