so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
