i just wanna soil my oats bro
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
