This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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