I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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