I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
