My Higher Power is John Stamos
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
