i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
