who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
