The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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