I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
