I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize