Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
