five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is the high leading the old right now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
