i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
