At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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