i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
