Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
