i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
