No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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