dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
