I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
