wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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