please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
