omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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