Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just tell him i said nine months
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
