I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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