You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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