Will you blow on my dice?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
