if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
