I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
