i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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