god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
