Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
