well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
