She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
