listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
