Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize