Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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