you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
