DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
