I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
