You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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