we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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