Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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