someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
