Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize