I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
