My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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