not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That accounts for only three of the penises
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
