Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
