I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
