Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
