he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
