Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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