I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
