I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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