I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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