I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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