I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
