Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
