Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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