i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
