$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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