There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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