He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
