tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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