this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
