is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
