2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
