I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
