Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
