Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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