like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
