I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
