Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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