it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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