best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All the doctor said was why
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize