whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
