She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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