TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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