I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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