I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
