thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
