pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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